i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
