Just fell off a train. Bad.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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