Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize