Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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