No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
