I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
