You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
