i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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