Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize