my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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