just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
