the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
