I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
