weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
