Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
