I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
