I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
