Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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