how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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