No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
