True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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