I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
being pregnant is like rehab
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
