soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
