Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize