I met the friendliest cop last night
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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