I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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