Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
