Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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