That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
