How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
