so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
