I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
