I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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