Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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