Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this will be a night to untag.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Vodka?
Forever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
