dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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