Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
