ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
