Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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