you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
