New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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