meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
