Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
