my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
