Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize