I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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