dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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