I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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