im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
