also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
