in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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