your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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