FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
