I CAN MOONWALK!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
