that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Your dad touched me again.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
