I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize