I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
