dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
