On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
