If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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