Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
