his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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