You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
