My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Small penises have feelings too.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
