Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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