We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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