You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
