I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
3 2 1 whiskey
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
