Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
