I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
