on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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