i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
