a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
