fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
