I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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