I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize