i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize