Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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