Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
