life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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