I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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