i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
