Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
