How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
