If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
