And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
