What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize