He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
