Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We are all done wearing pants today
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
