If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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