My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
