Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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