The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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