who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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