a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
