Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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