U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
