Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
