you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
