Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
