is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
