i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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