If i come over, it means nothing
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
