well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
