I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
