I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
