i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
